FEAR: Public Enemy #1

By Cynthia Cannon-Zietlow

Brief message--we fear Fear. We hate Fear. We do not understand why we are so deathly afraid of Fear itself, but we are; hence, we fear its power.

After 55 years on the planet, Fear and I have a semi-functional relationship. Called Panic Disorder, Fear has been my Siamese twin. Because I had to, I learned to listen to and understand her, accepting her as part of myself. She told me I would never be good enough and took every single available opportunity to overwhelm me with mind-numbing panic that physically nauseated me--before a public speaking event, a math test, sometimes for reasons unknown. My error also was in believing her message was true; I withdrew into sports, books, poetry, music, nature, and art because in youth, there was no escaping her domain.

By age 21, I told her, "I have accepted you as Teacher.  You have shown me my weakness, awkwardness, ugliness, inadequacy, deficiency, stupidity. You have told me that I am good for nothing. I am aware that this is your truth. I accept that this must be your message.  Bound to you as I am, I nonetheless commend myself for hanging onto Life, because if I listened to you, then I would surely die. You are not Me."

For the first time, I was proud of myself. The truth of this resonated through me like sunlight, like Love.

Am I alone in being afraid of the power of Fear? No, as Americans, our greatest fear is being rejected, judged as unacceptable, or unwanted. Our second greatest fear is physical death. Our greatest enemy is Fear itself.

At various stages in my life I have had to face again the resurgence of Fear's power. Like me, she too has grown stronger with age. Yet now there is a way to reach out my hand, hold yours, and together we can stand tall in a way we never could before.... My life's battle with social anxiety has taught me that it is through caring for others more than myself that I can control and quieten Fear. My life's goal has been to learn to live compassionately with myself and my Panic Disorder, and therefore with others and their own weaknesses. The key is to learn to live peacefuly with ourselves and others.

With the help of the Internet and MPTC's Digital Marketing program, I will learn to use social media tools to connect with others. My objective, professionally, is to create relationships with a network of trusted friends and together share those companies, services, and organizations that do good in the world.

I want to do more to share this wealth--acceptance, kindness, honesty, diligence, and wisdom--beginning right here, right now.